Are you kind to yourself?

I have often find myself telling myself that I don’t like something about me. I’m sure that many of you have felt the same way as me. Doesn’t matter in what way you say something bad, but you definitely have been critical towards yourself. What I recently noticed is that I compliment myself more than I criticize myself. I tell myself good things about my appearance or about things I’m currently working on. And day by day I criticize less. When I come across a mirror I try to think something positive before I say something negative. I don’t give myself the chance to say something bad. It happens, of course when I forget, but the minute I say something bad, I immediately stop and think of something good. That my hair looks great today or the jeans are really flattering on me. Whatever it takes, to make myself feel a little bit better.

So I wanna address something else too. The previous was more about appearance and how you feel inside about yourself. Now let’s talk about the mindset and confidence in what you do in life. How do you go through life? Self-sabotaging yourself in every step that you take? Just killing your inner peace and creativity by working in some random place you hate. Or you work in harmony with yourself? Doing something that really inspires you and keeps you creative every single day. Which one will you choose? That really speaks about your present life. Most likely you will choose the first option, sadly. BUT if you chose the second one, then congratulation you are a winner! It’s truly amazing to do in life what you really love and meant to be doing. It’s very rare that people actually are doing what they love. Most people don’t even know what they want to do with their lives. They just work at some random job until they retire or they change job very frequently as they are searching for something better. Most people won’t find it. For most people it’s frustrating and some people just don’t have it in them to fight anymore. So they give up. I really hope that you are a fighter, not defeatist.

So, now think how you think about yourself? When you look into the mirror? When you work out? When you eat or being out with your friends? When you have some big important thing that you’re nervous about? At what moment you find yourself being the most critical? If you don’t know or you think that you never say anything bad about yourself then I have an assignment for you. Notice how you talk to yourself during the day. Write it down when you say something mean and after that immediately tell something great to yourself.

The other question is about saying good things to yourself. Do you do that enough? Do you compliment yourself? Looking into the mirror and saying that those jeans are fabolous on you or when you have something important on that day, that you will do great. If not, try doing that. That’s your assignment number two. Write it down as well. Say good things to yourself. Not only when you have said something bad, say it every time you cross a mirror or you have to go to a place that makes you nervous. It will boost your confidence. Trust me. It’s very simple, yet very difficult for us to say those things and to notice how we are actually talking to ourselves.

Let me know in the comments how did your assignment go and if you are kind enough to yourself. ♥

What yoga has taught me?

As you may already know from my previous posts I was a huge yoga fan. Not that I’m not anymore, I just don’t find it my passion at this moment in my life. I’m just waiting for the urge to go back on mat. Until I don’t have the urge, I won’t force myself. As yoga is something pure and magical.

So I tried yoga for the first time in my life on 21 of December in 2011. It was a morning session and I loved it from the very first sight. It just felt instantly my thing. I tried many different trainings in that training club and nothing seemed to fit me perfectly. But with yoga it was totally different story. I even tried headstand in my first class. Of course I fell over cause I didn’t had the strength or didn’t know the breathing technique to stay up, but the falldown didn’t scare me. Maybe for few first sessions I wasn’t so eager, but after that I started to practice and practice until I managed to get into a headstand.

On the first day of yoga I didn’t do only one session, I did two! I went back in the evening and did another class. I think that shows how much I loved it from the first day. So from that day I did two classes a day very often. I was a uni student, so in between classes when I could I did yoga, I did yoga at home, I did yoga all the time (even if I wasn’t on the mat). After couple of months being in that training club I went to a real yoga studio. It was like day and night. Even though the teacher was the same, but the vibe and atmosphere was very different. It felt like home.

All I can say is that it was a beautiful time. Surrounded with so many great, inspiring, beautiful and strong people. Day by day I gained confidence and strength in my body and my mind. I felt like I could do anything. Within 5 months I could do a headstand and after that I started practicing elbow stand and handstand. The handstand is the most challenging for me, I still struggle with it.

But with the elbow stand I had a different story. I remember I practiced it all the time. I just wanted to be able to do it and for some reason I just couldn’t keep myself up. I remember when I left uni and made peace with this decision. When I finally let go of the feeling that I needed to please someone else besides me, I could do an elbow stand. Just letting go of fear and accepting my decisions, I finally managed to do something I wanted to do for so long. Be free. That is one thing that yoga taught me. To let go. It’s powerful when you realize how much there is in your life that you’re just holding on. When you let those things, people, memories, experiences go which don’t serve you anymore, you will open a new door. Much more happier and grateful door. Full of new opportunities.

The second thing I learned was patience. Be more patient. You won’t get it all at once. You have to work hard, enjoy the process of falling and learning and you will get there. Eventually. Just don’t give up, be patient with everything and everyone in your life. Success in life, with people, with your inner self won’t happen in one night.

Third thing that I learned over the years is to appreciate life, to appreciate family and friends, your body and your present-self. Life just goes by so quickly. Those five years of yoga went also so fast, that I feel like it was just yesterday. I remember every person in that yoga studio with who I made more than a eye contact. I remember everything that my teachers taught me. I remember every fall and every rise. I appreciate the beauty of learning how to fall and how to rise after the fall. It was very important lesson for me. As one of my teachers said “You can’t be upside down if you are afraid of falling.” So the lesson is to stress less about the future and be grateful for what you have in life right now. We can’t be all superstars at once. Some have easier roads then others, but that doesn’t mean that you are not worth of the same happiness. You have to try your best and if it didn’t work, then try again.

Forth thing that I learned was that our body is much more powerful than we think it is. Body is much more smarter than the heart or brain. It can tell us many things. We just intend to ignore it often times. You have heard it before that “Listen to your body”. It is so true. Our bodies can tell us when somethings is wrong, when we are sick or injured. When we have to stop. Where is our limit. In yoga you have to use your body in another way than you use it somewhere else. You really have to listen where your limits are. Not everyone’s leg will go behind the neck. So don’t force it, if it’s not meant to be. Or not everyone can do a split. You have to embrace your body and listen when to stop and be grateful for what your body can do.

Fifth and the last thing I learned during my yoga time is to take better care of myself. It means mentally, physically and emotionally. Often times we neglect ourselves and just burn out. It’s a worldwide problem that people mostly do to themselves. We just “don’t have time” to brush our hair, buy new clothes if we need something or even if we don’t, but it would make our day better. Or we forget that hairdressers and manicures exist, for example. Also often time we don’t pay attention to what foods we are eating? How are we taking care of ourselves? People often don’t think about those things until it’s too late. You have only one body for the rest of your life – so take good care of it to live a long happy life.

I have learned of course many more things during this time, but I would write a book if I would have to write everything here. So these are the main things and that I use in my day-to-day life. I’m very grateful for that I’ve had the experience to learn all those things and to keep learning more.


Is it okay to be selfish?

Please let’s talk about this. People often think that they have to do everything for everyone. Be everything for everyone. It’s like other people are more important than yourself. But you live only once and you have only one body, so you have to take care of yourself physically and mentally. You have to love yourself no matter what happens. No matter what anyone says. Because if you don’t take care of yourself and you only focus on everyone else’s needs then you will lose so many potential years. In few years or maybe even in decade you will look in the mirror or deeply into yourself and discover that you have abandoned yourself completely. Whether it’s physically and you look like shit (i’m sorry), or you haven’t got a proper haircut in years or done your nails. Or you have eaten lots of crappy food and did not move for years. Then you can probably imagine yourself. Do you want to look like that and feel like crap? Or maybe you have taken care of yourself physically, but you have abandoned your mental state. You work in a place you don’t like. You communicate with people you don’t like. You are in a relationship you don’t like. You are not doing anything in life that brings you joy and satisfaction. There is always something missing. Have you ever felt that way? Have you done everything for all your friends, your family, your significant other to make their dreams a reality or just putting them on the first place? Above you. You have to be on the first place. Everyone else can take the second place and will get your attention as much as they need and deserve it.

As I said you only live once. So you have to take care of yourself and your happiness. Make sure you are doing something in life that is your calling, that makes you happy and you are not doing it because you “have” to or you don’t want to disappoint anyone or maybe of someone else.  No one else can have your life and no one else knows you better than you do, so they can’t tell you if that job or that hobby is right for you. You have to discover it yourself. The main focus you have to have in mind is that you don’t want to regret when you are old and can’t move anymore, that you didn’t do something. That you waited too long and missed your opportunity. You have to be able to do anything you want in your lifetime and don’t put any limits for yourself! If you think that you will never be able to do that, then you may be wrong, maybe it’s just the time you thinking of that isn’t right. But the right time will come. Just stay focused and just dream of those things. Then one day you will discover that you’re able to do what you wanted to do 5 years ago. It’s never too late, just keep dreaming and thinking good thoughts towards that.

I’m saying that because many years ago I thought that I wouldn’t be able to do many things. That I couldn’t afford things, I couldn’t travel, I couldn’t go and pursue my dreams. I was stuck, I was scared and focused on that. For example I wanted to be a yoga instructor, but never did it. Because I always said that I don’t have money for that, that I don’t have time or something. All those excuses. Now I of course don’t practice yoga on a daily basis, so that’s fine I guess.. But those little thoughts were always in my mind about everything I wanted to do. But now I have a different focus. I want, I will do it! I will find a way how I will do it and I will work towards it. It doesn’t have to happen this year, but at least I’m focused and determined to get there one day. I will prioritize myself and my dreams to make them a reality and not to regret not doing them in 50 years.

Do you do everything you want to do? Or you make excuses why you can’t do them? Are you your number one focus or is someone else more important than you?

Depression – how I managed to get over it twice

Depression is one scary thing. If you ever had to deal with depression in your life then you know what I mean by scary. It doesn’t matter if you have been in depression for months, for years, for weeks – it’s bad for your mental health in every stage. If you can overcome it quickly then you’re lucky and always think back on what did you do to make it out alive? And always focus on that thing when you’re feeling low. Keep that as a motivation to keep on living and dreaming.  

I experienced depression for the first time in my life about 3,5 years ago. I was depressed for 5-6 months. It was the darkest time of my life as I couldn’t care about anyone or anything. I didn’t have any motivation to even go to sleep or wake up. I would sit every single night in my room (I lived alone at that time) until 3 am and just watched TV. I was just miserable, alone, unemployed, broke, sad and angry at life. As I had no money I couldn’t go to yoga classes so that even deepened my depression. I had this one thing that brought me so much happiness in life and I couldn’t go to my favourite place for 4-5 months, it was just horrible. I know I could do yoga at home, but at one point you just can’t get out of bed. You hate your life for many reasons, but you don’t do anything to change them. You fall into a bigger and bigger hole every day.

As I got full time job things started to get better slowly. I finally managed to pay for my yoga classes and the peace, people, my teachers, yoga itself started to heal me. But I would say it took about 2 month to fully recover myself and my thoughts. Nothing comes easy and quickly. You have to give yourself time and just focus on the good things in your life and just force yourself to love life around you little by little every single day. And one day you will discover that you love life and there is nothing bad about it.

This year I had another experience with depression. From the start of this year I just felt that my life is not enough. That what I do is not enough. Not enough for myself. That something is missing from it. I started to slowly despise my job. It just slowly started to built up in me, the sadness, the anger, the frustration, not being satisfied with my life. I spend 40 hours a week at my job. If I hate 40 hours of my life in one week it makes 2080 hours of hatred in one year. All I could do after a work is to go to the gym, even if I didn’t felt like going there, but I just forced myself. Because I know that gym is my therapy and it always helps me to sort my shit together. I always felt great after a workout, but then came another day at work and I felt depressed all over again. And it got worse and worse. At first I was feeling depressed only at work. But after few months depression slowly sinked in. I could say one thing – it was scary. I was not only depressed at work, I was depressed at gym, at home, at night. I couldn’t sleep properly, I had huge anxiety issues, unmotivated to speak to anyone. I cried all the time. I don’t usually cry, so that made me realize that something was really wrong.

At one point I felt that I needed to quit my job. I hated it so much that I needed some kind of change in my life. In my heart I knew what it was that I wanted to do, but fear is the son of a b**** that messes with our heads. So instead of focusing on what I want, I decided that I needed a new job. I thought that it would magically fix everything. Gladly month before that deeper depression I made right choice to sign myself to one training that really caught my eye and I thought that it would be a great place to start. Little did I know that that weekend would change everything. My life, my mindset, my mental state. It felt just so right and I just had this urge to follow my gut and not wait for my life to pass by. I decided to take charge of my life.

This one decision made a huge impact on everything. Slowly day by day my depression started to fade away. I felt more energized, happier, more excited about the future. At one point I noticed that I smiled at work and talked to people and realized that I actually didn’t hate my job. I started to focus on bigger picture. On the future, on what I want from life and how I will get there. I made my dream a reality, faced all my fears and made a commitment to myself.

Always listen to your gut. Find what you love, what you want from your life and do it NOW. Don’t wait. You won’t lose anything, you will only gain. Take charge of your life and decide that you don’t want to be depressed. Depression is scary and that’s why we are afraid of everything during this time. Depression leads by fear. Don’t feed it! Deep down we all know what we want, what makes us happy. It can be small things, it can be bigger things. It can literally be whatever you want. Just focus on it and make it a reality. Keep on pushing and you will overcome anything in your life. You don’t have to settle with your life if you are unhappy. Choose happiness, choose yourself.

At the end it’s you and your life. Make decisions based on you. Make yourself happy. Make yourself a priority.  

Who am I?

Hi, my name is Jana and i’m from Tallinn, Estonia. You have no idea how excited and happy I am that you are on this page. Thank you so much.

On this page I want to focus mainly on health, fitness, mindset, positivity and how to live life to the fullest. How to enjoy the growing process in your daily life. How to not forget ourselves in this busy lifestyle where we want to be everywhere and try everything. How to understand that it’s fine to step back and say no to some things and just focus on ourselves. To appreciate the beauty of self-growth. How important it is and that it’s never too late.

I’m here mainly because I love writing and expressing myself through the words. The beauty of writing for me isn’t something new. I’ve always loved writing. When I was younger about 14 years old, that’s when I discovered writing as a therapy for me. Then it was mainly short stories, stories about heartbreak or love and just playing with words and questions. I had several notebooks which were fully written. In high school when I was really deep into writing I even shared my stories with my literature teacher and she found the stories very interesting and always complimented on how I wrote. So back then that motivated me to write. Then I of course wrote in my mother tongue and after high school went to university to study editor-reviewer speciality where we studied estonian language so depthwise that after 3 years I didn’t know where to put coma. As it was very intense I somehow lost my passion for writing. And I guess that life just happened and I had other things to focus on. For the past years I sometimes found myself writing some short but deep mindful headlines to my instagram stories (both in english and estonian), but hadn’t enough courage to start exploring writing again. But lately I found myself writing and enjoying it more than anything (okey I enjoy lots of thing in life – cooking, training, being at home with my dog and boyfriend), but the satisfaction I got from the writing was incredible. I just felt that everything fell into place again and I knew I needed to start writing again.

So here I am. Raw. Deep. All that matters to me. I hope you find it inspiring.